People with herpes should wear stickers.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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