You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
