I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Who died my cat blue again?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
