You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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