Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
