No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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