i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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