like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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