I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
