everyone is single if you try hard enough
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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