I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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