I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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