We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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