Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
