New low: just hacked my moms facebook
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
