i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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