road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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