Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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