So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
