cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
