Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
