happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
