Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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