I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
