The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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