What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it was like eating out sand paper
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
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