I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
