ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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