Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
