She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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