Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
