the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
