I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
