walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
