hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
