i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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