if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
