Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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