my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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