I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
