Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
