We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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