I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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