I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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