"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
