He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
