why didn't you poke me back
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
