did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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