Already got asked if we're dating
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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