just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
