She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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