I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
