As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
