i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
