i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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