When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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