I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
