Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
