Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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