I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
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