forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
