dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
