i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
