i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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