Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
