it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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